It was an unusually warm and pleasant evening in San Francisco. Earlier in the day I mentioned to Eddie that we should spend some time outside. We should take the dog on an extended walk, or walk down to our old apartment complex and say hi to some friends, or walk to Taylor's Automatic Refresher and get some milkshakes... why did I mention that last one? I knew that would be what Eddie would want to do. Secretly, that is what I really wanted to do as well, but I didn't want to let myself. Milkshakes are bad for you I keep telling myself. Milkshakes make you fat! But I couldn't change my mind now, I couldn't back down...and deep down inside I didn't really want to.
When the evening finally came around, I made sure not to stuff myself too much with dinner....just in case we did decide to get milkshakes later. I kept thinking maybe Eddie would forget, but I couldn't get it out of my mind. What if Eddie did forget? Then I wouldn't get my milkshake! But that's a good thing, right? Then why am I so afraid of it? I keep trying to convince myself that I really don't want the milkshake, that it will make me fat, it will make me feel bad. But the more I think about it, the more I want it. I casually mention to Eddie that I want to be outside...it is too nice to be stuck inside. "Okay," he casually says, "let's go get milkshakes."
During the walk there I try not to think about it. We make small talk, we talk about my blog and how I am going to make money off of it...someday. :) How we want to have a family someday and I want to be able to devote my time to my family and not have to split time with my family and a full time job. It works, I don't think about that milkshake until we get to Taylor's. I find a booth outside and wait with the dog while Eddie orders us each a shake.
This is when I get antsy....where is he? Why is he taking so long? Does it really take this long to make a milkshake? Then I start planning out exactly how I am going to drink/eat it. I'm going to use a spoon and take little spoonfuls at a time. No, I'm going to use a straw. I'm going to only eat half. No, I'm going to eat the whole thing. No, I'm just going to see how I feel. This is usually what happens when I'm eating something "bad" or "fattening" or whatever you want to call it.
Finally, after what seems like a century...Eddie comes outside with our shakes. I got mint chip. Eddie had this shake last time and it looked so yummy. The best part was after you drank all the shake your left with a pile of yummy chocolate chips that just melt in your mouth. I was so looking forward to that part. The only problem was... that meant I would have to drink the entire shake. Just drink it slow...see how you feel.
Mmmmm.....minty, cold, smooth, creamy milkshake. It was so thick, and so so so good. I slowly sipped it and thoroughly enjoyed each mouthful. At the halfway point I stopped. I don't need anymore. I'm getting a bit full. I don't even really want any more. But those chocolate chips! Oh I want those chocolate chips. Maybe I'll save the rest. yes, that is what I will do. I will save the rest. I will put it in the freezer and keep it for tomorrow. But I don't want to eat this again. I don't want to see it again. Out of sight, out of mind. But I can't throw it away. And waste those yummy chocolate chips? No no no. But what shall I do? This is a real dilemma.
This is about when I stopped myself, took a deep breath and told myself to shut up because I was being ridiculous. I decided to let myself drink it all. Acknowledge that the healthy thing to do would be to save the other half for another day then give myself a break! I don't have to be healthy 100% of the time. I don't eat milkshakes every day! I eat healthy 90% of the time. It's ok to indulge once in awhile!
So that is what I did. I drank the whole thing. Every last sip until all that was left was a pile of yummy smooth little chocolate square. I used a spoon to eat those. I let each mouthful slowly melt in my mouth. It was heaven.
When I was done I felt full. I felt bloated, and a little bit guilty... okay A LOT guilty. But it was worth it, I think. I got to spend some time in the beautiful weather outdoors with my husband and my dog. I let myself eat something that I normally don't and I decided instead of beating myself up about it I would enjoy it and release all the guilt onto my blog. So here I am saying goodbye, because I know that in the morning I will feel normal again and all remnants of that shake, the "fat" feeling, the bloating, the fullness, will be all gone.